It perhaps would be a mess, I just write what I thought.
Try to More thinking less feeling. (feeling often lead self-doubt)
It's a public post, but it's still a secret between me and reader.

Recently, I joined my classmate's wedding, It's the first time that I join a wedding of the same ages.

It's different as past, like a dream, It's the first time that I can feel I am old enough for marriage (although I have no lover relationship until now and it's not the point in the article)

I met some classmates in college, their appearances were not changed too much，so that we could recognize each other. It seems our relationship isn't flushed by time and I talked a lot with a roommate, everything was ok.

At the wedding lunchtime, we were allocated in an independent room, we have graduated for 2 years, we are scattered in different cities and everyone has their jobs.

There are two impressive things for me:

The one is when we discuss the red envelope's amount, I prepared 300 yuan for it, but they said 1000 yuan (because I have no job, I can not afford it.). At the last, I gave a small red envelope. I thought I was good at college, the truth tells me the feeling was wrong nor the score's importance means less than I realized. In other words, I need a higher platform (I tried last year and wasted the chance, that's horrible memory, I won't try again unless I really need) to keep the level gap with them. I'm too arrogant, really too arrogant, even without any reason.
Looking for a job first, stoping comparison, and keeping calm would be more effective than any measures. (if I want to achieve this goal, cut off any communication is an approach, perhaps I would use it if I cannot stop comparison)

The other one is when the bridegroom throws the embroidered ball, maybe there will be more Newlyweds in next year, that's what I realize suddenly, should I hurry? Confidence makes brave, I need confidence first. The source of confidence for me has two ways: other's objective praise (but it becomes more and more unreliable, even no effect, because I know that's fake) and the truth (such as certification).

One day I will leave, I hope I could back someday.

oh, I almost forget something important!
Best wishes to the bridegroom Liu YongZheng and his new family: Happy wedding and happy life!

Q.E.D.